Boneless Meat: TOTALLY not worth it

I hesitated writing this back when I tried bone-in chicken breasts because I figured ONE experience wasn't enough to make a judgment on. And does "judgment" look weird to you? Because my spell check SWEARS it isn't "judgement" but I swear it's "judgement" and not "judgment" cause, well, it looks weird.

Anyway. Pork chops. I bought pork chops today for dinner. I decided to get the "assorted" pack because it was cheaper per pound. I brought it home. Had Ben smell it (don't ask, I have horrible luck with pork products and them being spoiled). Started to de-bone it.

CRAP. It's all crap! I got maybe 4-5 "chops" worth out of it. Dude, I could have bought the actual pork "chops" for $1 more. I don't do pork broth or else I'd use the bones, so basically, the bones are useless. The time in actually deboning the "assorted" pack? NOT worth it.

It was the same with the chicken. When I figured out the price per pound AFTER deboning, GUESS WHAT? It was actually more expensive than the price per pound for frozen chicken breasts. Less than fresh chicken, but we're not picky, we eat frozen with no problem. Although we really were eating our OWN chicken until recently and now I shudder at the thought of commercial chicken, but I like our bourbon chicken recipe too much to NOT buy it.

So my verdict is I'm going to buy the boneless cuts I need and swallow the cost increase because it's not worth it.
Amen.

Hey, Julie! I found "Pillow Pets" for $10 at our local grocery store. They had a monkey, penguin, ladybug, and bee. I almost bought the ladybug and penguin for my kids but my hubby convinced me that we could buy a LOT of food for $20 and not waste it on pillows. Stupid husband (who I love to death.).

But when I saw them, I totally thought of you. And giggled like a maniac. Yay bipolar.

That is all.
Kudos.

A Most Awesome Lunch

What is this?

THIS is the most awesome lunch. Ever.
I basically threw a bunch of stuff from the fridge onto a tortilla and grilled it, then folded it omlette-style.
This one is spinach, shredded cheddar, pepperoni, and a dab of spaghetti sauce.
And holy moly is it good.

Just wanted to share.

Off to make another one. Mmmmmmmmgood.

It's Cold. I Feel Like Crap.

I'm sick of being cold.

(Disclaimer: I'm on the low end of a bipolar cycle, and also haven't eaten all day = in a crappy, i-hate-life mood)

I am cold every day. Not just put-on-some-slippers cold. But five layer tank top - shirt - long sleeved shirt - sweatshirt - hoodie - COLD.

We wood-heat only. AND, thanks to a wonderful, lovely, screw-you cold snap in late Nov, we used a LOT of wood. Too much. Much more than we estimated. So we're running low on wood, and rationing. So, cold.

But I am S.I.C.K. of being COLD.
I love winter. I do. I'm a winter gal. I have no problem being cold outside. I'll go take care of the goats in the 27 degree weather and not notice. But inside? Inside = warm, in my mind. And when inside = barely warmer than outside, my mind refuses to comprehend.

My kids are driving me loony. I counted up the days since I've been without them, and came up with New Years. Which doesn't seem that long, really, but then Ben wasn't feeling good, so the last 2 weeks I have had them 24/7. I have woken them up, taken care of them all day, taken care of them after Ben gets home (oh, and taking care of HIM too), put them to bed, gotten up with them 2-3 times per night.
Non. Stop.

And I am so sick of them. And that's a horrible thing to say, really it is. Because since being on the new meds, I've been able to 'enjoy' them again. Snuggle them, play with them, etc. But now? I'm just sick of them. I took off for 2 hours this morning to the local coffee shop to work on some Russian, and that was REALLY nice. And I'm sure a lot of you are going "wow, 2 hours, that rocks, I wish I could have that!" but 2 hours doesn't cut it for me. I'm more of a gone-all-day-be-home-for-dinner gal. I just need more than a few hours to 'reset'.

Screw this, I just put more wood on the fire. I'm COLD dude. We'll buy wood if we need to. It's still cheaper than electric heat.

Our money is out of control. Well, actually, we don't have any money, so I guess it doesn't matter. I confirmed with the insurance company that we do NOT want OUR car fixed (we looked, it'll be $400 to fix it, less if we can junkyard the parts, so screw the insurance's $1000 deductible). Hopefully the fact that we didn't use the collision part helps our rates stay down. I also found out we're a "platinum" member for being with them so long and they have "small accident forgiveness" which I THINK means less than $500 property damage, but it might be more, so we MIGHT get off with no rate increase. Or very little. So that's awesome.

However. We're still not making ends meet. Or really we're making SOME ends meet. Just not all of them.
Dear lord let our tax refund be more than 3k. Know how awesome that would be? FREAKING AWESOME.

Why do people not talk about money? I never understood that. Ask me, I'll tell you how much we make, how much we spend, how much debt we have. Of course I'll ask Ben FIRST before I tell you to make sure he's okay with it, but really, I, myself, have no problem with it. I'll tell you upfront what I make! Zero. Zip.

The guilt is back. I'm here sitting at home doing dishes while hubby's out there making, you know, money. And money is society. Money money money. You can't turn on the radio, TV, look at the newspaper, or visit a friend without money coming up. We are so focused on money as a society and I am trapped in it even more than I want to be.

I hate having debt. I hate it even more because I feel 90% responsible for it. First off I brought a fair amount into the marriage. I remember Ben wanted to wait to get married until I got all my debt paid off. That was almost 4 years ago. I STILL have some of that debt. Plus more. LOTS more. It makes me want to bang my head on the desk. I blame the bipolar. And that sounds like a cop-out but it's really not.

I was going to go on and on about the bipolar thing but I think I'll make that a separate post. Otherwise this post would be 19 pages long. Yes, 19. Exactly.

Thanks for reading.

Food Waste Friday, And An Honest Mail Delivery

Check out The Frugal Girl for not only more food waste fridays, but also some awesome advice and really interesting reads.

After skipping last week and posting an emo New Years post, I was a little afraid of my fridge.

I shouldn't have been!

We had a bag of deli ham that we didn't trust and gave to the dog yesterday. Other than that? A jar of bean soup, jars of beef broth (that probably could have been used tonight but I don't trust them), and a lonely 1/2 of a bagel. How the heck did THAT even get in there?

But anyway, a good week!

---

And now, a story about our mail lady.
We have the same lady every day, except Saturdays, we have a different lady. We've gotten to know each other because if I know I have a package coming, I run out there so she doesn't have to get out of the truck, because we're not exactly right next to the road, know what I mean?

Anyway, today I got the mail and noticed this weird piece of paper. A post-it note. An honest to god post-it note.

Would you be interested in a pygmy goat (buck) and wether goat for $50? If so give me a call XXX-XXXX. I could email pics if you would like.
Your mail carrier

Okay, so an awesome way to communicate.
But what kills me?
She put a freaking stamp on the back and scratched it out with a pen, like they would do with a real letter. And put our address on the back.

Talk about honesty, right? And I know she wrote it on the spot because I watched her scribbling something and figured it was just a "come pick up this letter" note.
But no. It was a post-it, stamped and scratched out, addressed, offering us goats.

(And how do I reply? Put another post-it in there with a stamp that she can scratch out? Hm.)

Hate Is Too Strong Of A Word

Except today.

My children (child?) drew on my less-than-a-year-old-expensive-tile-laminate-kitchen floor. I'm assuming it was yesterday. It is crayon. Can't be pencil, NOOOO, that's too easy to get off. Has to be crayon. Dark blue crayon. Crayon? Does not come off that floor. The last time they drew on it, it took two hours for me to hand-scrub with baking soda a one foot by one foot section. I kid you not. The tile has all the texture stuff on it, so there's millions of little nicks and crannies and places where crayon gets caught up.

Oh! And bill collectors! Don't EVEN get me started. Okay, I'm sorry, but I got myself started.
Just got a call from the one credit card that hasn't been paid. And I hate to sound like I'm protesting guilt, because I'm not. I'm a firm believer that credit cards need to be paid and not foisted off.

BRB, have to go water the goats.


Okay, back. Where was I? Oh yeah. Credit card.
So anyway! Firm believer that you get into debt, you find your way out of debt. Even if it means relying on your husband to pay your bills while you have two kids and don't work (ahhem.)
So this card, right? This one card has about $1500 on it. The minimum payment was $75, which I paid faithfully for 2+ years while paying off other cards/things. One month I missed the $75, so my minimum the next month was $150. Too much. So I called and asked them if I could pay off the $75 missed payments in installments, or have it deferred, because $150 at once was too much.
They said no. So I paid $75. Which make me $75 overdue.
Over. And over. For months. I called and asked again what I could do. They said nothing could be done. (By now the $150 had turned into over $300 as a minimum payment, despite me paying the $75 monthly).
It, obviously, went into collections.
Collector just called.
First off, I think he was put off by my grunts and 'uhhuhs' instead of actual words. I've noticed that puts off a lot of them. But once we got through the original "are you mrs doran, blah blah blah", he asked if my address was correct, yes, it was, and then asked me my work address.
Wha? I hung up.

I just NOW realized why this is different than the collections calls i've gotten before! It was from a collection company, not the actual card company. Duh. I get it.

Well, long story short, I hate bill collectors. Not the actual card companies - i've had really good experiences with Discover and Chase Bank, who heard me out and worked out stuff with me. Discover even went "You've never missed a payment, and we noticed you missed this month, so we wanted to make sure everything was going okay and give you a reminder" which was awesome because, yup, I actually DID forget.

So I hate bill collectors.

Oh! And what else do I hate? Picture this. The house is 52 degrees. You're in a nice hot shower. Mmmmsteam, nice and hot, filling the bathroom so you know when you step out of the shower it will still be warm and you can get dressed before you exit and FREEZE YOUR BUTT OFF.
Now, take that whole, nice, warm steam-filled room, and open the door, while you're still in the shower.
My kids did this to me. Cold air flooded in.
After figuring out they wanted more oatmeal, and shooing them out, I turned up the heat to get it nice and steamy again.
And they opened the door. Again. This time to tell me they were SO HUNGRY and I HAD to get them more oatmeal because they were STARVING and the one full bowl they'd already had was NOT ENOUGH and they were going to DIE.
I finally gave up, dried off and dressed in freezing air while shivering.
I'd lock the door, but then Morri would pick that 15-minute-time-slot to pee on something because she couldn't get to the toilet.


Okay, so I feel better after putting my rant into words. But it's still freaking cold in here. Screw it, I've been cold for a week straight, rationing wood... I'm going to build a nice fire and try to thaw.

Kudos

It's Almost Soothing

I went manic tonight. Or at least, hypomanic - not a full blown mania, but the racing thoughts, twitchy nerves. Imagine having 6 cups of coffee, right after each other, within an hour.

That's hypomanic. Or at least, part of it. That's the best description I have.

It was like a light switch. I checked my mood journal. I have alarms set on my phone for 10am, 4pm, and 9pm to mood track.

My 4pm is a 4 out of 10... a "bad hair day". Slightly sluggish, but functional.
My 6pm? 6 out of 10. The high front of a good day. Riding on good feelings.
By 8 I knew I was hypomanic. I was speaking to my mother on the phone (something I normally avoid) while doing dishes. Ben couldn't follow the conversation easily. He said I kept switching topics. I was scrubbing things (the carpet) that wouldn't normally be part of my cleaning routine.

Now, two glasses of wine later, I feel stable again. I guess that should tell you how up I was. Two glasses of wine (slightly full, actually) make me feel grounded.

I still have racing thoughts. Is this post even make sense, I wonder? I'm watching True Blood with a sort of interested detachment. I'm wrapped in a blanket, munching on Snickers bars and Reeses. (Things I don't normally eat).
I have a huge craving for baked goods. Even plain, french bread with butter. I'd die for a piece of NorthStar Diner's bread. Carbs.
I have that happy go lucky idea of "all will be well". I spent too much on groceries today (which I rectified by putting next week's grocery money towards bills instead. Evened out. But still).

The good news is, it's a different kind of manic than it used to be.
Manic used to be irritable. Eating out. Spending money. Randomly buying animals, junk, etc. Unfocused. Unable to control.

This time it's different. I controlled it. I put back non-food items at the grocery store. It sounds simple, but good god, it wasn't. I was able to tell Ben to put the grocery cash back in the bank. I was able to pay bills, with Ben watching over my shoulder, with a fairly clear head.

Even manic, I feel more stable than I have in ages.

I can only hope that this mania was caused by lack of sleep, too much sleep (oddly enough, I had BOTH last night. Figure THAT out). Or from outside causes.

Either way, I'm okay with it. For now. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

Ah, Tuesday, How I Love You

Ah, Tuesday, how I love you. Tuesday is a relaxing day for me. The hustle and bustle and "catch-up" of Monday is over. The girls are back into their routine. And, of course, Random Tuesday. Visit the Un Mom for more people's random thoughts.

It's 2011. Kabloowie, there went my brain. This year, Tams will turn 2, Morrigan will turn 4 (4??? SERIOUSLY?), Ben and I will have our 4th wedding anniversary, and I will turn 24. Holy crap.

So we sold a goat yesterday, Molly. Connie, her daughter, is up for sale, but who would have thought... nobody wants to buy a goat who isn't giving any milk, because, duh, it's winter, and they eat but don't produce and then they suck all the money out of your 'farm fund'. Duh. Someone offered me $25 less than I listed her for. Considering accepting it. Money is good right now.

People won't call me back about their car. Am I a bad person for not calling them? If I can hold them off/if they don't call before Friday, we'll have a pay day in our pocket and can afford the repair, no problem. If they call before that, well, we might be in trouble.

Speaking of money, our tax refund is going into savings. I'm not screwing with this "holy crap we owe X $900 OMG WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GET IT FROM!?!?!" crap anymore.


Ben is sick. Or getting sick. Today I woke up with a huge knot in my stomach. Ugh. I guess we've been lucky, since nobody has been sick this fall/winter yet. I have a feeling when/if we get it, it'll hit hard, though. Ben and I are both popping vitamin C like crazy. Oh, and B complex, garlic pills, echinacea. Anything to help prevent or otherwise lesson what is to come.


$6 grocery cart? BEST investment ever for the girls. Holy crap. I knew they'd play with it, but they PLAY with it. Thanks, JCPenney.

We're at that point where we're going to have to start rationing wood. The cold snap that hit us in early Dec. has hit our wood piles pretty hard. Time to start dressing in more than two layers.


I got a brand spankin' new kitchen knife set from my in-laws for Christmas. I can't tell you how much I love this set. Being able to actually, you know, cut things? Heaven. Also the BIL and his GF gave us a blender. Fan. Freaking. Tastic.

Every time our answering machine goes off, the dog howls. I crack up.


Alright, out of steam. Time to go take a shower, wake the heck up, and get some work done.

Kudos!

Random Tuesday: I'm a CRRAZZYYY rabid squirrel! I WANT MY COOKIES!

I find it extremely amusing that something like being "allowed" to post random thoughts has me blog writing again. Heck, maybe I should just start posting my random crap every day instead of trying to make concise posts. Hm, something to think about.

Saw a new psych yesterday, since my old one dropped my insurance. New doc seems pretty neat. He, of course, figured out I'm batcrap insane fairly soon, and his exact words were "Well, Marc (my old doc), you got out of this one, didn't you!" all with a chuckle and head shake. I somehow think I SHOULD have been offended, however, I am not in the least.

Had a victory today. A stupid small one, but still a victory. I cleaned the girls rooms, and when I started to stop half-way through, I told myself to keep going and did. Their rooms are now fully picked up, vacuumed, and de-cob-webbed. I started something, and finished it. That's a big big thing for me.

My poor body. All I've been feeding it is junk lately. No kidding. Yesterday's food consisted of a toaster strudel, frozen pizza, zebra cakes, french fries, a bite or two of mashed potatoes, and 6 cherry turnovers. I have vowed today to at least have two vegetables, a fruit, and some dairy servings. I think I may have to go on a raw diet for a month or two soon.

Oh, yeah, and the psych? When he found out I was still hoping for vet school? With kids? "You're crazy."
Hah. Thanks psych! Glad you noticed.

Speaking of crazy, my mood has been interesting the last few days. I am now med-free, at least for the time being. I can see the mood 'curve' in my mind. Saturday I was extremely manic, Sunday as well. Yesterday I was up, but not UP. Today seems fairly even. If I could have this sort of mind-frame, this sort of mood, every day, I would be happy. I would be even more happy if we could clear up some of the foggy/confused/detached moments. But right now I feel pretty even-keel.

Considering making cookies with the girls. I'm considering even more making two batches, one GF/DF/EF and one mainstream, so that Ben and I could also enjoy them. I still haven't gotten over the texture issues of non-gluten flours.

Tams hasn't had a bottle in two weeks now. I think she's pretty much weaned. She asked for it once a day or two ago, when she was upset, but she accepted a cup of milk and a binkie instead. It's a little bittersweet... I think I would have rather her put down the binkie before the bottle, but I refuse to take it from her. She's miserable enough at night sometimes whenever she has reactions. I think we'll start keeping all the binkies in her bed, though.

I think I should get worst mom of the year award. My kids stocking stuffers include burger king happy meal toys. But they're zu-zu-pests. I figured that's the same as getting the real ones, right?

Oh, and Ragu pasta sauce is freaking tasteless. And Kroger store brand has cheese in it. Okay, the ORIGINAL, "tradiational" sauce has cheese in it. WHAT? I can understand the 'garlic and parmesean' variety having cheese in it. But seriously? The original? Fail, Kroger. FAIL.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

This looked like a ton of fun. Credit goes to "The Un Mom". The idea is you take one post where you just blurt out random thoughts that are going through your head. Sounds kinda like therapy to me, but hey, it works.

I hate how our phone works. Not the phone itself, but the service. Our area code is 740. I should be able to call all of 740 without dialing 1, right? At least in my mind. But nooooo. Some 740 require a 1, and some don't. So I end up dialing, just to get a 'you need to dial a 1 or 0' message. And if I dial a 1, when it's not needed, i get the OTHER message. Incredibly frustrating.

I have this planner, and I love it. It's notebook sized, plenty of room to write in things. I paper clip things like invitations, business cards/appointment cards, etc in it. I'm very organized with it. The problem is I don't look at it every day, and therefor tend to miss things.

I need to buy the kids some soy-doh.

I need to do weird housework like picking up all the hairbands in the bedroom.

We need a vacation. And a babysitter. And a new kitchen floor.

I feel like my life is going downhill and uphill at the same time. Medication has changed EVERYTHING. But on the downside, I'm getting fat. I'm drinking more. I'm on the computer all. freaking. day. I can't seem to get up early, even though I set an alarm and have things to do.
And I have no idea if it's medication related, or if it's just me. Am I a lazy? Am I unmotivated? Do I just need stimulation? School starts soon. I have some homestudy courses registered.
Am I still depressed? Do I need to go on a mild antidepressant in addition to my BPD meds? I suppose this is things I need to talk with the therapist and psych about.

I need to take some photography classes. Or at least learn how to use my camera better. Heck, I need a new camera... this one is 5 years old.

Does wet steam cleaning the carpet kill dust mites, or promote growth?

I need to organize my closets. I seem to have a ton of storage space and absolutely no idea of how to use it.

Morrigan has no idea that there are 14 baby chicks in our utility room. I've managed to hide them for almost a week and a half now. This weekend I'm kicking their little fuzzy butts outside to the pen in the barn because they stink.

I'm 23 now. I don't feel different. I almost didn't notice my birthday passed. We were at Rusty's party all day, and the only recognition I seemed to get was a very disappointing night out, where we all went drinking, and then everyone passed out. And then had to get up at 6am the next morning to pick up the kids. I feel kinda cheated, honestly. I wanted my tattoo, or to go on a bike ride with Ben, or to play card games all night. I wanted a cake and ice cream. I wanted to have my own little party with my friends and my family. But we had to go to Ben's parents instead, because Rusty's party was on my birthday, because he wanted to watch a car race on his birthday by himself. Lucky him. He got to do what he wanted. Not that I'm angry or bitter at Ben's parents, because I'm not. It was just kind of a sucky day.

On to a new positive note, we figured out another trigger for Tamsyn's eczema. The new allergist we're going to noticed she tested positive for eggs, and had us take them out for 3 weeks. A week into it, things have improved dramatically. She's even had a few slip ups (bite of bread, finger-full of cheesecake) with very little reaction other than some itching and very slight redness. It's a very positive sign!

Kudos!
Ket